You're Seven, Piper Chen!

Piper Chen, happy birthday! I am so thankful for you. The Lord has poured his kindness on our family in the past six years through you. You have shaped and changed my life so completely that I hardly remember what life was like before you were a Waldemar.

Pi, you teach me. And you do it unwittingly, just by being you. Here are seven things that I have learned from being your sister:

1. You have a helpful heart. You are quick to serve people and show them kindness. Thank you for showing me how to be helpful.
2. You have a happy heart. You sing all the time. And I really do mean ALL the time. I can't help but delight in your cheerfulness. Thank you for showing me how to be happy.
3. You are organized and orderly. OCD, maybe. But you are aware of the world around you and how it works. Your mind and actions are not chaotic. Thank you for showing me how to be aware and orderly.
4. You are creative and full of imagination. You love making art, becoming a character, and you have your own spin on everything. Thank you for helping me to see the world with new eyes.
5. You are curious. You love learning new things and sharing them. And you are interested in so many things. Your mind and broad love of knowledge inspire me. You do math problems for fun, narrate and illustrate stories, quote poetry, sing songs, learn new words, and delight in the natural world. Thank you for showing me how to wonder.
6. You pay attention. You always know what's happening around you can repeat back the details with precision. If I need to know the forecast for the day, I ask you, because I know that you were paying attention when you watched the weather with Dad in the morning. Thank you for teaching me how to be tuned in to life.
7. You love me. I'm not always sure why you do, but your love is a constant. I fail you again and again, and you still look at me with sad eyes and cling to me whenever I leave. Your actions tell me over and over that I don't have to do anything to keep your affection. Thanks for showing me what unconditional love looks like.

The Lord knew I needed you, and he smiles on my life through you.
Happy birthday, baby girl!
I adore you.

Whit

Sometimes I'm at a loss
To express all my heart
Or any of it.
So I write about the moon.
He always makes sense.
He prophesied tonight,
Told me about beauty in pain.
My mind was convinced
And was there to catch my heart
When the sting surprised, piercing.
Tonight: mourning, veiling -
Giving credence to the problem of evil.
All is not well; it's broken and scarred.
But in the midst,
At the dead center,
Beauty overcomes.

Rest easy.

story time with grandfather moon

Pure and full of light
Even when he is not.
The teddy-bear type of jolly;
A soft, squishy rock.
See the speckles and dents?
They speak of trial and triumph,
Still making him whole.
Bumped and bruised, journeying along,
No longer swayed or phased.
Ever-changing, you say?
Maybe we are the wanderers.
"Like the moon it shall be established forever,
A faithful witness in the skies."
Telling a story of covenant;
The steadfast love, not once removed.
Monotonous month-keeping
Or illumining the path all the way to the feast?
I know you, Grandfather Moon,
Weathered and winsome,
Your eyes still sparkle.
Sit me on your lap and tell me the tale
How you've reflected faithfulness since Day Four.

thanksgiving at midnight

there's a secret feast in the deep of the wood tonight

i know, because the moon told me so.

he tried to keep it quiet, 

hiding behind the clouds.

but they were too wispy.

the moon, he's hanging

bobbing, as if tied to the end of a string.

swaying, as if held between the fingers of a child

living the scene.

he's not simply bright and glowing,

but buttery warm. 

the kind of warm that has smile crinkles at corners of it's eyes.

it's a party, i can tell. 

by the way he's hanging, and glowing, and hiding.

i know you, moon. 

go play.

give thanks.

The Coquette

Wandering, wet, melancholy pale
Lady Luna, you enchant me.
Unpredictable, ever-changing
You capture my attention
And I can't escape
Or maybe I'm the one
who can't let you go.
Winking, waning
Turning your face
But never blushing.
You're a tease of the most innocent variety.
What you do is pure and sparkly;
Full of wonder.
You distract me in the most delightful way.
Your magic runs deep
Because your magic is real.
A mystery that I cannot grasp,
And yet you cannot evade me.
I know you, Light Ruler of Night.
You do your Father's biding,
Watching as I do the same.

psalm 39

The Lord, wrecking my entitled heart. This overflowed.

Psalm 39

Words that prick, and punch;
hang, and land.
It happened again today -
the Psalmist and I agreed.
"I will guard my mouth with a muzzle,"
"I was mute and silent."
"As I mused, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:
O Lord, make me know my end
and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!"
I asked: "But how can I love them?"
You answered: "Number your days,
O daughter of dust."
Words that prick, and punch;
hang, and land.
You have greater things for me
than harboring bitterness,
If only I would obey.
Your words devastate, but heal.
Heal me, O God.
Your will, not mine.
Your yoke is easy,
your burden is light.

two years later

My Cape Town story began two years ago today. 

Two years, and yet it feels like a lifetime ago. A lifetime - or five minutes. Both are true today. I had to be reminded that October 9th was the day. But now that I remember, it all floods back.

A good kind of flooding, though. My heart races a bit. But I'm not angry. I'm not afraid. 

Last year, these were my feelings about 10/9:

"I don't much like October 9. I wish it didn't have these memories associated with it. I wish I could enjoy autumn in Minneapolis and not return to feelings of fear, anxiety, pain, and hurt. But God is redeeming it. He is pouring out his kindness all over my life. Today, I can say, 'This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.'"

Today:

God is my healer. He turned my brokenness into beauty. He worked a whole lot of faith in my heart. October 9 is a redeemed day. 

The Lord is kind and he gives good gifts. My heart is full of gratitude.

More of Jesus is worth it.

Because Jesus is better. 

september morning word paint

Sunlight in the air

Pearly soft today.

As if, when I step outside

It would hug me, 

A gentle, breezy morning hug.

The birds sing

Each one, its own song

Telling a story

Speaking in chirps and trills

Floating, winging

Always busy, never anxious.

The golden oranges of sunrise

Stuck on the trees.

Tragically beautiful,

the pristine death of a thing.

The most romantic time to fall in love

The green, the warmth

Lovely, but leaving.

Love steps in

And warms when the sun does not.

that moon

the moon.
the Father's gentle eye,
watching me as I drive
home. and as I cry.
light reflects
as teardrops catch
then roll down my cheek.
the tender eye of a daddy
watching his baby weep.
the wispy clouds
they wrap around,
whispering lullabies.
engulfing light,
surrounding night.
that moon.
God's gentle eye.

Word Paint: Summer Storm

The wind whispers

Warning of a storm.

Not a secret whisper  

A wild one.

The gusts, the lightning - 

Angry tonight.

But I can’t be scared,

Even alone in the dark.

It’s too beautiful.

The thunder rumbles

I relax, then swell with awe.

My soul sings along 

To the song of the storm.

The lightning speaks,

I strain to hear.

I want to know its language.

I am deaf and dumb.

I want to talk to the lightning

And know its story.

But I can’t - I’m only human.

I speak with words, not electricity.

Raindrops on the glass

One of God’s prettiest pictures.

The window pane

A water wall.

Tonight’s storm is especially wet.

No more rain then usual.

But it’s silky tonight

The way it slides.

I love watching the people.

No pride when you’re drenched.

Torrential downpour - 

You remember that you’re little.

Word Paint: Why Peace?

You wake me with peace

I'm safe today.

I'm always safe, but I feel it now.

Why peace? How?

Hours ago - unsettled and sick;

This morning - quiet,

Green pastures, still waters.

My soul restored.

Your perfect love, there is no fear.

You stand guard over my heart,

No devils lies here.

They whisper and spit

partial truths, whole lies - 

poison and fire.

You raise up your shield, 

I rest in your shadow.

The promise stands - 

"I will answer you."

So again, I call out

"Save me, more grace!"

You come. You always come.

You're never far.

I leave, my eyes wander.

Cup my chin, direct my gaze, 

Back to you, your gentle face - 

Full of love, full of strength.

"My heart is yours,"

I open my hand.

"I trust you, I need you."

You are my shield.

My God, my Protector.

Why peace?

The cross: my gain.

your promise is well tried

"Your promise is well tried, and your servant loves it." Psalm 119:140

Tested, pulled, pushed, stretched, poked, squeezed... well-tried. Experiencing a promise with all five senses; trying it out, seeing if it's still real, still true, still being fulfilled. Falling into it over and over again, discovering that it will still hold you up.

There's a promise that I'm trying right now: it's called "God is really listening when I pray; he hears and he cares."* Although he knows my thoughts before I do, his desire is for me to tell him. When I'm talking to him, I'm recognizing my dependence. When I'm going to God with all my joys and sorrows, asking for his heart- and mind-guarding, understanding-surpassing peace, seeking his wisdom and understanding, the promise that he hears me and cares for me is proven once more. And I return more quickly the next time. Because he answers me.

The more you try a promise, the more you find God faithful. And the more you find God faithful, the more you love him and his promises. It's a beautiful cycle.

*"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

&

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

beautiful birthday words

I love words. They are so powerful.

For my sixteenth birthday, I received this note from my Uncle Dave. These are some of the most precious words I have ever read.

Four years later, they still bring happy tears to my eyes.

I'm so thankful for this man and for the friendship we've had for the past twenty (!) years.

Anyway, take a little peek into my world!

------

Whitney,

Our family has many wonderful memories of watching you grow up.

Michelle recalls your graceful goodbye at the brick house, when neither vomit nor gravity could keep you from saying your farewell to us.

Carson has lovely memories of smelling feet with you, makes him laugh just reliving the moment.*

Kate's memories..."I love you."

Hootie does not really care, to be honest.

As for me, the memories are sweet and deep. You and I had a bond like no other, starting literally from your birth. I helped welcome your hair and you to this world. I watched you develop from a tiny baby into the cutest monkey I have ever seen. You were fun to listen to and harass. We watched the Lion King many times until you were finally brave enough to watch the "Ta die part." You would be my best friend until Grandma Judy came home and everything unraveled. You threw me to the dogs, telling Grandma, "De-de-da was really naughty and needed spanks." Thing was your ritual every day and it happened without fail. Nothing made you happier than Grandma yelling at me, which in turn made me happy, watching the joy you got out of it. As you got bigger and I babysat, I remember having to give you a spank, Big Mistake. You told everyone in the world that Dededa gave me a reaaallly big spank, but our relationship recovered. I was around you when you formally changed your name to "Suzy-galloozy-maggy-o-pig-butt-big-3-girl-pizzahead" - a little long, I must say, but you insisted. As time went on you became a real person. You began to read and think on your own. I, too, had to go to school in order to stay ahead of you. It was hard to be away from you. When I returned, you had grown up a lot but amazingly we were still pretty close. You loved your family, friends, and even your dogs. A super sweet and naive girl... yeah, naive like when you discovered gravity on your bike off Taylor's jump, and the importance of a helmet. It's funny how memory is just like an Etch-a-Sketch, a few good shakes and it's gone. The best part of all was watching you play with my kids. This told me that even after all the chances I had to screw up our relationship, you did not let me. Thank you for being such a big part of my life, for the awesome memories, and for turning out so incredible.

-------

*Yes, this really happened. Carson and I are ten years apart, but from day one we've been buddies. He just melts me. He can get me to do just about anything - "Whitney, wanna go hide and smell our feet?!" You bet I do, kid.