Timely

In class today, Pastor Tom taught about the kingdom of God. That wheat grows alongside tares. That there will be trials. That we groan as our outer selves are wasting away, but our inner selves are being renewed day by day. That it's important to have a theology of suffering so that we think rightly about our trials in the heat of the moment.

Since October, I have been pondering what it means to suffer well. I have a few ideas wiggling around in my head, but I'm far from understanding it as well as I would like.

• I want to continue seeing God as sovereign and good.
• I want to be able to let people in even when I don't think they will understand.
• I want to be ok with not being ok.
• I want to keep in mind that my suffering now is equipping me to love and sympathize with others.
• I want to be sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.
• I don't want to be consumed by the pain.
• I don't want to be so self-focused that I ignore the pain of those around me.
• I don't want people to feel ill-at-ease around me - that saying the wrong thing at the wrong time will set me off.
• I need to remember that it's a fight. Being passive is not an option. Clinging to Jesus is vital.

This evening, I'm encouraged as I listen to "Heaven is the Face" by Steven Curtis Chapman. He wrote this song about his daughter, Maria, after she was killed in a car accident. Two years ago, this accident hit me really hard... I think I relates easily because thought of anything like this happening to my China girl is horrific. This song never fails to bring me to tears. I cry because I feel the pain, but not simply because it's a heartbreaking story. I hear simultaneously acknowledged pain and hope. I hear this daddy's voice trusting Jesus to carry him and reassemble the pieces of his broken heart. I hear a heart clutching and cherishing the gospel.