#TGC11 part two: how i'm dealing

More than ever, I realized I was suppressing a lot of fear. Fear of being alone. Unprotected. Unsafe. Abandoned. Fear of experiencing the pain all over again. I thought I had worked through and dealt with all the emotional crap, and to a certain extent, I had. But there was more. The wound had been reopened. I tried to embrace it and let it hit me hard and then apply the salve of the gospel.

Over and over again, I'm reminding myself that God understands what is happening and that I don't need to. That I'm in his grip, and totally safe there. That he cares. That he has a purpose and this time is not wasted. That I can trust him completely because he is worthy to be trusted. That he is all I need. Beautiful, beautiful truths.

Yet, I am not strong enough to remember, much less believe, these truths in my own strength. I must return again and again to the Word and to gospel-saturated music when I am at my weakest. Here are some of my favorite, tried-and-true comfort havens:

2 Corinthians 4:7-10; 16-18

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

The third verse of The Perfect Wisdom of our God:

Oh grant me wisdom from above

To pray for peace and cling to love

And teach me humbly to receive

The sun and rain of your sovereignty

Each strand of sorrow has a place

Within this tapestry of grace

So through the trials I choose to say

"Your perfect will in your perfect way!"

Still, My Soul, Be Still:

Still, my soul, be still

And do not fear

Though winds of change may rage tomorrow

God is at your side

No longer dread

The fires of unexpected sorrow

God, you are my God

And I will trust in you and not be shaken

Lord of peace renew

A steadfast spirit within me

To rest in you alone

Still, my soul, be still

Do not be moved

By lesser lights and fleeting shadows

Hold onto his ways

With shield of faith

Against temptations flaming arrows

Still, my soul, be still

Do not forsake

The truth you learned in the beginning

Wait upon the Lord

And hope will rise

As stars appear when day is dimming

Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer:

Jesus, draw me ever nearer

As I labor through the storm

You have called me to this passage

And I'll follow though I'm worn

May this journey bring a blessing

May I rise on wings of faith

At the end of my heart's testing

With your likeness let me wake

Jesus, guide me through the tempest

Keep my spirit stayed and sure

When the midnight meets the morning

Let me love you even more

Let the treasures of the trial

Form within me as I go

At the end of this long passage

Let me leave them at your throne