two years later

My Cape Town story began two years ago today. 

Two years, and yet it feels like a lifetime ago. A lifetime - or five minutes. Both are true today. I had to be reminded that October 9th was the day. But now that I remember, it all floods back.

A good kind of flooding, though. My heart races a bit. But I'm not angry. I'm not afraid. 

Last year, these were my feelings about 10/9:

"I don't much like October 9. I wish it didn't have these memories associated with it. I wish I could enjoy autumn in Minneapolis and not return to feelings of fear, anxiety, pain, and hurt. But God is redeeming it. He is pouring out his kindness all over my life. Today, I can say, 'This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.'"

Today:

God is my healer. He turned my brokenness into beauty. He worked a whole lot of faith in my heart. October 9 is a redeemed day. 

The Lord is kind and he gives good gifts. My heart is full of gratitude.

More of Jesus is worth it.

Because Jesus is better. 

september morning word paint

Sunlight in the air

Pearly soft today.

As if, when I step outside

It would hug me, 

A gentle, breezy morning hug.

The birds sing

Each one, its own song

Telling a story

Speaking in chirps and trills

Floating, winging

Always busy, never anxious.

The golden oranges of sunrise

Stuck on the trees.

Tragically beautiful,

the pristine death of a thing.

The most romantic time to fall in love

The green, the warmth

Lovely, but leaving.

Love steps in

And warms when the sun does not.

that moon

the moon.
the Father's gentle eye,
watching me as I drive
home. and as I cry.
light reflects
as teardrops catch
then roll down my cheek.
the tender eye of a daddy
watching his baby weep.
the wispy clouds
they wrap around,
whispering lullabies.
engulfing light,
surrounding night.
that moon.
God's gentle eye.

Word Paint: Summer Storm

The wind whispers

Warning of a storm.

Not a secret whisper  

A wild one.

The gusts, the lightning - 

Angry tonight.

But I can’t be scared,

Even alone in the dark.

It’s too beautiful.

The thunder rumbles

I relax, then swell with awe.

My soul sings along 

To the song of the storm.

The lightning speaks,

I strain to hear.

I want to know its language.

I am deaf and dumb.

I want to talk to the lightning

And know its story.

But I can’t - I’m only human.

I speak with words, not electricity.

Raindrops on the glass

One of God’s prettiest pictures.

The window pane

A water wall.

Tonight’s storm is especially wet.

No more rain then usual.

But it’s silky tonight

The way it slides.

I love watching the people.

No pride when you’re drenched.

Torrential downpour - 

You remember that you’re little.

Word Paint: Why Peace?

You wake me with peace

I'm safe today.

I'm always safe, but I feel it now.

Why peace? How?

Hours ago - unsettled and sick;

This morning - quiet,

Green pastures, still waters.

My soul restored.

Your perfect love, there is no fear.

You stand guard over my heart,

No devils lies here.

They whisper and spit

partial truths, whole lies - 

poison and fire.

You raise up your shield, 

I rest in your shadow.

The promise stands - 

"I will answer you."

So again, I call out

"Save me, more grace!"

You come. You always come.

You're never far.

I leave, my eyes wander.

Cup my chin, direct my gaze, 

Back to you, your gentle face - 

Full of love, full of strength.

"My heart is yours,"

I open my hand.

"I trust you, I need you."

You are my shield.

My God, my Protector.

Why peace?

The cross: my gain.

your promise is well tried

"Your promise is well tried, and your servant loves it." Psalm 119:140

Tested, pulled, pushed, stretched, poked, squeezed... well-tried. Experiencing a promise with all five senses; trying it out, seeing if it's still real, still true, still being fulfilled. Falling into it over and over again, discovering that it will still hold you up.

There's a promise that I'm trying right now: it's called "God is really listening when I pray; he hears and he cares."* Although he knows my thoughts before I do, his desire is for me to tell him. When I'm talking to him, I'm recognizing my dependence. When I'm going to God with all my joys and sorrows, asking for his heart- and mind-guarding, understanding-surpassing peace, seeking his wisdom and understanding, the promise that he hears me and cares for me is proven once more. And I return more quickly the next time. Because he answers me.

The more you try a promise, the more you find God faithful. And the more you find God faithful, the more you love him and his promises. It's a beautiful cycle.

*"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

&

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

beautiful birthday words

I love words. They are so powerful.

For my sixteenth birthday, I received this note from my Uncle Dave. These are some of the most precious words I have ever read.

Four years later, they still bring happy tears to my eyes.

I'm so thankful for this man and for the friendship we've had for the past twenty (!) years.

Anyway, take a little peek into my world!

------

Whitney,

Our family has many wonderful memories of watching you grow up.

Michelle recalls your graceful goodbye at the brick house, when neither vomit nor gravity could keep you from saying your farewell to us.

Carson has lovely memories of smelling feet with you, makes him laugh just reliving the moment.*

Kate's memories..."I love you."

Hootie does not really care, to be honest.

As for me, the memories are sweet and deep. You and I had a bond like no other, starting literally from your birth. I helped welcome your hair and you to this world. I watched you develop from a tiny baby into the cutest monkey I have ever seen. You were fun to listen to and harass. We watched the Lion King many times until you were finally brave enough to watch the "Ta die part." You would be my best friend until Grandma Judy came home and everything unraveled. You threw me to the dogs, telling Grandma, "De-de-da was really naughty and needed spanks." Thing was your ritual every day and it happened without fail. Nothing made you happier than Grandma yelling at me, which in turn made me happy, watching the joy you got out of it. As you got bigger and I babysat, I remember having to give you a spank, Big Mistake. You told everyone in the world that Dededa gave me a reaaallly big spank, but our relationship recovered. I was around you when you formally changed your name to "Suzy-galloozy-maggy-o-pig-butt-big-3-girl-pizzahead" - a little long, I must say, but you insisted. As time went on you became a real person. You began to read and think on your own. I, too, had to go to school in order to stay ahead of you. It was hard to be away from you. When I returned, you had grown up a lot but amazingly we were still pretty close. You loved your family, friends, and even your dogs. A super sweet and naive girl... yeah, naive like when you discovered gravity on your bike off Taylor's jump, and the importance of a helmet. It's funny how memory is just like an Etch-a-Sketch, a few good shakes and it's gone. The best part of all was watching you play with my kids. This told me that even after all the chances I had to screw up our relationship, you did not let me. Thank you for being such a big part of my life, for the awesome memories, and for turning out so incredible.

-------

*Yes, this really happened. Carson and I are ten years apart, but from day one we've been buddies. He just melts me. He can get me to do just about anything - "Whitney, wanna go hide and smell our feet?!" You bet I do, kid.